Christ on The Passion 5

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Returning to film adaptations about His life and Word, Christ said some inaccuracies can be traced back to the source material, the New Testament.

 

"Remember, at the time the Good Book was written, I was running around saving souls like a madman," Christ said. "I couldn't focus on a writing project, too. I basically gave My team of writers the broad strokes and hoped inspiration would fill in the cracks. Now, I'm not saying the New Testament isn't good-it is. It's great! But by the time I got around to reading the galleys, the monks had already finished the first printing."

 

The Lord Jesus did have positive things to say about Martin Scorsese's The Last Temptation Of Christ.

 

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Christ on the Passion 4

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"We're still hammering out the treatment, but I'm really excited about where it's headed," Christ said. "It really beefs up My relationship with John the Baptist, something all of the other movies missed. They always put in the beheading, but they leave out the quiet moments when John and I would hang out, eat locusts and honey, and talk about the redemption of Man. I think our friendship will really resonate with a lot of viewers."

 

Christ said He is also working on a heist film based loosely on the loaves-and-the-fishes incident, but that the project is currently stuck in development.

 

"I tend to have problems pitching to studio executives," Christ said. "Last week, I appeared in a vision before a D-girl at Sony, and I said, 'Be not afraid, for I am Jesus--I have written a treatment and Matthew McConaughey is interested in the role of Herod.' Apparently, she was a little freaked-out by the vision and she ended up passing on the idea. Ron said that next time I should just schedule a lunch meeting like everyone else." (con't)

Christ on the Passion 3

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Describing one of His biggest complaints, Christ said that no film about His life has ever "made the apostles pop."

 

"In The Greatest Story Ever Told, the 12 are basically interchangeable," Christ said. "Directors get the piety, but they don't bring out the personalities behind the agape love. Some of those guys were real cut-ups, you know. Simon Peter could make you laugh until you cried tears of blood."

 

In order to bring these and other truths to light, Christ teamed up with screenwriter Ron Bass, who wrote both Snow Falling On Cedars and My Best Friend's Wedding. The two have been co-writing a high-concept script, temporarily called Untitled Jesus Project.(con't)

Christ on The Passion 2 (read prev. post)

(con't) "There have been a lot of films based on My life, and pretty much all of them have gotten it wrong," Christ said. "Just look at Godspell-what the heck was going on there? It's time I reclaim My image."

 

Christ said He considered returning to the physical world to make an accurate film depiction of His life for years, but seeing The Passion prompted Him to finally descend from heaven, meet with His agent Ronald Thatcher, and demand that He be attached as a producer on any future projects.

 

"Ron has a history of telling Me that the filmmakers 'totally understand' the Word Of God, and that the project is going to be 'fabulous,'" Christ said. "But when it comes out, it's all wrong, and Ron claims everything fell apart in post-production. At that point, there's nothing left for Me to do but say, 'Okay, fine. I forgive you all.' Well, next time, I'll be shepherding the project through from casting to final edit to marketing." (con't)

 

Christ on the Passion

JESUS DEMANDS CREATIVE CONTROL OVER NEXT MOVIE

 

The Onion, March 3, 2004

 

HOLLYWOOD, CA-After watching Mel Gibson's The Passion Of The Christ Monday, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ announced that He will demand creative control over the next film based on His life.

 

"I never should have given Mel Gibson so much license," said Christ, the Son of God. "I don't like to criticize a member of the flock, but that close-up of the nails being pounded into My wrists-that was just bad."

 

Our Lord did not limit His criticisms to Gibson's Passion; He expressed frustration with historical inaccuracies in numerous film adaptations of His life. (con't)

Shock cinema

fred, ever seen anything by Kim Ki-Duk (I'm checking out now, so I'll read your reply maybe in a few days)? Check out The Isle. Beautiful looking film, about a vacation lake resort where the vacationers rent a boat cabin and just sit there, floating days on end, either fishing or playing cards. A beautiful woman runs the place and rides out to them in a little motorboat, with food or cigarettes or odd knicknacks, sometimes a prostitute or two. Sometimes she throws in her services, for a fee.

I think it's an interesting commentary on man-woman relations, by a really sick mind.

Watch out for the fishhooks.

Still more Passion

John Green:

"he happens to be a guy with the wherewithal and talent to make a movie like this"

I agree with "wherewithal," but disagree with "talent." I don't think the man is a filmmaker and his grasp of violence isn't very sophisticated or complex, unlike say, a Kurosawa or Peckinpah. Or even a Kitano.

As for shock cinema, well, I'm not a big fan of Noe or Miike, but they operate on a level above him. I AM a fan of Kim Ki-Duk, and he's a far classier provocateur.

And none of them can touch Romero, or above all, Pasolini.